If Google Was an Air Traffic Controller

A small passenger plane lands in Toronto at Pe...
Image via Wikipedia

If Google was an airline traffic controller, and your site was a plane trying to land, the communication might start like and sound like this.

Stactic…..

(Your Site) Good day  Google master controller, this is site IP 123,76.900  requesting landing on your front page under vector keyword category of “travel to Europe”  over

LONG PAUSE……

(GC) Static:  ummm IP 123,76.900, this is Google master controller……. Static….  umm we can not understand your request, can you change your meta data so we can understand you? . IP 123,76.900  recontact after changes if you like.  Good day over   static

Long pause

Static….  Okay dokie Google master controller,  have corrected the data, and all should be well. Request landing on your front page,  vector keyword “travel”  Over.

Long  Long pause

(GC) Static…….  Umm IP 123,76.900  please stay in holding pattern, we will get back to you as soon as possible.  In the mean time you may want to view our help forums, Over

Static…  Google master control, this is IP 123,76.900,  have check the other frequency and found some help.  Am making additional data changes to the site,  and will be requesting landing once completed.  …  should note  that I am running slightly low on traffic to the site and will need some visibility soon.  Good day  Over.

Static…

(Your site) Google master control, this is me, IP 123,76.900.  Data changes made, can you check for clearance onto your front page under Travel?  over.

Long silence…..

Static  .

(Your site): Google master control.  this is IP 123,76.900. I am begging.  Over

(GC):  Static…….. IP 123,76.900,  we have reviewed your data, and are having difficulties approval landing.  Have a nice day.  Over .

static

(YS) Google master controller for the love of gawd, we are dieing here. I told my boss we would have good traffic weeks ago….just give me a hint.!   good day  Over.

Silence

Your Site:  umm Google master Controller, boss just mentioned PPC would be cheaper than me.  I have check with more of your “help” forums, run a report and adjusted what I believe may have been the problem with abundant stuffing of certain words  ( 19% was a little high?). Please check and approve my request to land on your front page… vector… ummmm  traveling to Europe from Chicago?….  over.

(GC) IP 123,76.900,  We are now reading your data.  But because no one else is, we can not approve your landing at this time.  Thank you, and PPC is always a good option…. over.

Static

(Your Site): Google master controller, this is the new pilot of IP 123,76.900.  Please accept my apologizes oh great and mighty Indexer of all knowledge. We have started a PPC campaign, and are now sending your family $7000. a month.  I have also added significant content to the site, hoping to attract attention.  Requesting clearance to land on your front page under vector,     ummmm  ….   Static… Travel to Europe from…ummm… Paducah Kentucky? ? Over.

(GC):  Static …IP 123,76.900.  Sorry,  Your load times are to high to give permission at this time..  Over
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Is this how it feels to some of us?  Feel free to add to the landing dialog in the comments!

Enhanced by Zemanta

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *